... is apparently "Deputy Deputy Director", although the official announcement of his promotion wasn't actually seen in any episode. In this role his work has included the interrogation of possible terrorists. Stan is always on alert for terrorist activity, at work, and in his home life.
Stan is in mostly top physical shape, though he has a bit of a gut.
At some point in Stan's childhood, someone gave him bad advice about sex, leading to Stan's belief that masturbation would lead to hair growing on his palms and his eyes melting, a belief which Stan almost passed on to his son. This belief led to a life-long love of hobbies, including gun cleaning and wood burning. Stan also collects commemorative plates from the Franklin Mint.
Stan attended John DeLorean High School in the late 1970s and early 1980s. A very unpopular student, Stan was scrawny and had horrible acne, which caused him to be nicknamed "The Penis". He got pranked by the popular students while at the prom by being crushed by falling pigs which was a parody of Carrie, where she got showered by pig's blood--even a student mentioned that one of the other pranksters was too stupid to read the story through. Because the school is named after John DeLorean, who was born Michigan, it is likely that Stan is from Michigan. In "The Best Christmas Story Never", it is revealed that Stan lived in New York in 1970.
In 1985, Stan, then a college stu...